As a new mom, sometimes I feel like I’m being pulled in a million directions. I give attention to my family (including my baby, husband, and dog), career, housework, local military community, and long-distance family and friendships. So where does that leave me?
In the early stages of motherhood, self-care felt like a 2-minute shower when I could squeeze it in between tasks—even those 2-minutes away from everyone that needed me seemed selfish. It felt like everything else was more urgent or more deserving of attention than me. If I didn’t attend to those people and things, I felt selfish.
I know there are others in the military community who feel similarly. Because Service Members and military families form new social networks every few years, it can be difficult to ask for help. We feel like we need to take it all on ourselves. Additionally, there’s stigma attached to asking for help, especially if that help is for self-care purposes. In this case especially, self-care can be seen as selfish or indulgent.
But if you ask me now that I’ve settled into more of a flow, just taking care of my basic needs (such as a 2-minute shower) doesn’t count as self-care. Self-care should be prioritizing the self, not just “squeezing in” something for yourself when you have a spare minute or 2.
These sayings have helped me focus more on myself and not feel as guilty or selfish about taking time for me:
“You can’t pour from an empty cup.”
“Put your mask on before helping others.” This is what flight attendants on airplanes tell you during the safety brief.
As cliché as they are, I’ve found these sayings to be especially helpful in framing my mindset. Just like if my car’s gas tank is close to empty, it won’t get very far. If my personal energy level is close to empty, I can’t possibly take care of anyone or anything else. So I need to pour care into myself and fill up my “self-care tank” to be able to turn out toward others.
This is easier said than done. And there are still times when it feels selfish to do things such as workout alone for 30 minutes instead of taking a family walk with the dog. Or when I opt to take a Sunday afternoon nap instead of preparing a healthy meal and cleaning the kitchen.
But, I’ve made self-care a priority so I can be the best version of myself and be able to show up for others genuinely and patiently. This isn’t selfish, it’s important for my relationships. And, I feel my relationships have actually benefited from my self-care. My relationships feel strong and resilient; everyone seems to be happy!
So whether your preferred form of self-care is meditation, walking alone in nature, or taking a nap, I encourage you to prioritize it. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. It’s necessary for your health, performance, and relationships.
