If you want your Warfighters to feel safe about expressing ideas and concerns, trust you and their teammates, take accountability when they mess up, and ask questions when they disagree or are unsure, then showing personal vulnerability might be the perfect tool to enhance your leadership. While it’s sometimes easier said than done, showing your vulnerability can help your team grow as you guide your unit to mission success.
Why vulnerability is important
Growing up, I thought I wanted to be a leader with all the right answers. I’d want those who follow me to believe I was squared away both personally and professionally, never making a mistake or a wrong turn. But the more I researched and explored my own leadership and what makes teams effective, it became clear that my view of perfect leadership was not real-world, and it missed a powerful aspect of true leadership. If you want to get the best out of those you lead, it’s important to encourage Military Service Members to bring their full selves to the team. You need them to strive for personal and team growth. It’s crucial for them to be transparent, not hide mistakes or struggles, take swift accountability when things go wrong, and act to fix them. But how can those we lead feel safe to do this if they believe their leader has never struggled or made a mistake? Further, how can they trust a leader who sends the message that they think they’re perfect, especially if they don’t see their personal flaws. And even if you’re able to appear perfect, it can make it harder for someone who knows your flaws to relate, connect, and learn from you.
It takes great mental
toughness and confidence to be able to show your weaknesses to provide better
leadership for others.
Vulnerability in the military
Opening yourself up at times when you feel weak or exposed can seem to fly in the face of the strength culture in the military. Yet, humility was added to the key characteristics of Army leadership in ADP 6-22: “A leader with the right level of humility is a willing learner, maintains accurate self-awareness, and seeks out others’ input and feedback. Leaders are seen as humble when they are aware of their limitations and abilities and apply that understanding in their leadership.” To live out this description of humility requires vulnerability. Still, it’s hard to express because you’re literally showing that you’re vulnerable. It takes great mental toughness and confidence to be able to show your weaknesses to provide better leadership for others.Here are some ways you can show vulnerability:
- Tell stories of lessons learned from previous mistakes.
- Give examples of support you received from those you led.
- Ask for help or advice when needed.
- Explain the reasoning for your decisions and regularly ask what you might be missing.
- Actively seek different views and publicly appreciate when other views are offered. Also, emphasize the importance of having “everyone’s brains and voices in the game.”
- If appropriate, be open when struggling with a decision.
- Reach out to others who might be going through a tough time at work or home.
Know your vulnerability left-and-right limits
Vulnerability is a leadership skill. Like any skill, vulnerability affects your performance. It takes effort to learn how to use it the right way. Vulnerability can undermine your leadership when you use it the wrong way, at the wrong time, or to the wrong degree. You don’t want to overshare to where you lose the confidence of those you lead. You also don’t want to disclose in a way where you create a “get out of jail free card” by allowing those you lead to expect to not be reprimanded because “you did it too.”Ask yourself some questions to help you stay on target when you show vulnerability:
- Who is my audience? How should I adjust what I share based on their needs and our relationship?
- Do I have a clear lesson or purpose in my mind?
- What are unintended messages that I might be sending? How can I avoid them?
- Will sharing info about myself create an unprofessional relationship?
- Am I trying too hard to be liked or seem like “one of the guys”?
About the Author
Gabe Paoletti, of the Henry M. Jackson Foundation, is a Mental Fitness Scientist for the Consortium for Health and Military Performance (CHAMP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences (USUHS).
* The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of USUHS or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The author has no financial interests or relationships to disclose.
