By: Bailey Oliver Blackburn, PhD
What if I told you that you (yes, you!) have the potential to help those around you be more resilient simply by communicating with them? Sounds like a far-fetched idea, but as a communication scholar and resilience researcher, I’ve learned that resilience doesn’t require extraordinary practices or even heroic actions. In fact, resilience is often communicated through our words and how we connect with others.
To better understand how we can help others and benefit our own resilience, we need to understand what resilience truly means. Resilience is our ability to adapt to challenges, stressors, or hardships. Resilience can refer not just to our ability to survive tough times, but it can also refer to times where we thrive in the aftermath of adversity, or strengthen ourselves or our relationships through a challenging time.
Resilient people don’t have superior characteristics, nor are they just born resilient. Instead, resilient people learn to adapt to challenges, they alter their mindset when they experience setbacks, and they know when to seek out others for resources or support in times of need. These everyday behaviors are rooted in how we communicate with ourselves and our support systems.
So, if resilience is available to everyone and built through communication, what specific practices can you use to help others and yourself be resilient?
First, even during hardship or crisis, it’s important to try and resume typical or normal routines. Referred to as “crafting normalcy,” this practice is about maintaining rituals and routines during or after hardship, even if the rituals or routines are somewhat changed. When deployed abroad, Service Members find unique ways to celebrate birthdays or holidays and gifts from home often include everyday items such as snacks or entertainment they miss from back home. By taking part in shared hobbies, forming intramural sports teams, or getting together to celebrate a holiday, Service Members gain a sense of home and “normal” during an anything-but-normal deployment or training.
Second, we can help those around us be resilient by affirming (or reaffirming) who they are and what they’re capable of. Called “affirming identity anchors,” this practice refers to when we encourage or offer support to someone by telling them about their strong qualities and how those qualities prepare them for any current or future challenges. If their identities are anchored to a particular organization, such as a branch of the military, communicating and affirming how they’re positively contributing to that group or organization can further help them remain resilient.
Third, resilient people know they can’t always accomplish their goals alone. Instead, resilient individuals tap into their “communication networks” to help them in times of need. A single Service Member isn’t enough to win a battle. But, when multiple battle buddies come together and share their resources and experiences, support one another, and collaborate toward a common goal, victory is much more likely. One of the best ways to improve your own resilience is to break down the hesitations and barriers that keep you from reaching out to others. Locate the resources and networks around you (especially those available on base, such as counseling services) in case you ever need them.
Fourth, resilient individuals know that hardships are temporary, not personal, and might even be useful or necessary to prompt needed change. Resilient people appear to be skilled in “putting alternative logics to work,” or reframing a bad situation as fleeting and leading to a potentially positive outcome. Most Service Members probably agree that they wouldn’t like to relive basic training, but they’d likely all agree that basic prepared them in some way for their eventual active-duty service. This reframing of a previous challenge as necessary in building skills is what putting alternative logics to work is all about. Creating mantras or “metaphors of strength” to reframe adversity can further help others build their own resilience, even preventatively or before a crisis occurs:
- “Remember, we bend but don’t break.”
- “As a leader, take care of your people, and they’ll take care of the mission.”
- “Training makes you ‘tough as leather’—you gain the ability to withstand wear and tear while remaining strong.”
Lastly, resilient people “recognize negative feelings, while focusing more on the positive ones.” In short, resilient individuals acknowledge the negative emotions at play during a challenge or hardship, but they don’t dwell in them. Instead, they find ways to highlight the positive emotions present in a challenge, such as hope, pride, contentment, or relief. Importantly, this is not toxic positivity or refusing to admit a challenge or hardship exists. Instead, it’s allowing negative feelings to be felt, such as anger or loss, but knowing that these feelings are counterproductive to more important goals. We can use this practice, alongside putting alternative logics to work, to reframe a hardship as both temporary and helpful in the long run.
While you may not ask for more adversity in your life, you’re well prepared to adapt or thrive after a challenge. In fact, you don’t need shiny tools or expensive training to do this: You hold the potential in your words, relationships, connections, and through how you communicate with those around you.
Disclosure: The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the authors and do not reflect the official policy or position of USU or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The authors have no financial interests or relationships to disclose.
