Time and again throughout my career, I’ve been told to make sure I prioritize my work-life balance. The odd thing is, over a 21-year military career, no one shared how to do that or gave us the option. At least, that was my experience.
If I’m starting a week with a perfectly balanced life (eight hours at work, eight hours at home, and a full eight hours of sleep at night), but more is suddenly required at work, what do I do? Do I tell my commander, “Sorry, but I can’t. I have to maintain a work-life balance?” That clearly isn’t an option. If I now have to work 10-hour days, do I spend 10 hours with my family and only get 4 hours of sleep? That isn’t balanced, either.
I also wonder about quality. Does your family get an exhausted you? Even if the time is equal, how much memorable interaction is taking place at home?
What about the fact that travel and getting ready for each day needs to be factored in? That time isn’t coming out of work, but out of time at home. Finally, if you throw shift work or other variables in, it gets much more complicated. HPRC’s articles on “Military life balance” and “Work-life balance in the military” can help draw a comprehensive picture of how the demands of work can spill into personal life across the military and touch more on the questions above.
To me, the concept of work-life balance always seemed poorly thought out and more an ill-explained pipe dream, which isn’t helpful. In fact, I think it’s worse than unhelpful because it’s often spouted in ways that it should be “intuitive.” That has the potential to leave people wondering why they struggle with it.
Rather than worrying about a perfectly balanced life, let me show you an alternative: priorities. Most of us think of priorities as what you do first, but I disagree. Priorities are the things that must get done and deserve your best attention and effort. All too often, we complete our priorities quickly (but poorly) so we can cross them off, then give our best attention to other things.
What are your priorities? Give it some serious thought right now and write them down. Seriously. Stop reading and write them down right now. You should have your list at home and at work. The difficult thing about priorities is that they require some self-introspection but, once you know them, you shouldn’t have to repeat the process very often. Now, schedule your priorities! If spending time with your children is a priority, put it on your calendar. If you don’t, your calendar will get filled with less important things, and you’ll neglect what matters most.
So, rather than attempting to maintain a nebulous work-life balance, define your priorities, schedule them, and give them your best effort. Everything else will fall into place around them, and you’ll have peace of mind because the most important things are getting your best effort.If you find this useful, pick up a copy of my book Upgrade Training for Life. It’s filled with tons of advice to help you define your priorities and build positive habits to ensure your priorities are getting your best attention.
Disclosure: The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the authors and do not reflect the official policy or position of USU or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The authors have no financial interests or relationships to disclose.
