CHAMP’s Alaina Hansom spoke with friend and fellow military spouse, Alex Caldwell. Alex, her husband, and 3 children (ages 9, 8, and 6) recently PCS’d to Stuttgart, Germany. Prior to their move to Germany, Alex and her family were stationed at 2 different locations (Norfolk, VA, and Point Mugu, CA), for a total of 5 different moves in 10 years. Alaina and Alex spoke about military life and maintaining quality relationships, despite frequent moves.
Alaina Hansom (AH): What’s been the most rewarding aspect of being a military spouse? What aspects of military life are you most grateful for?
Alex Caldwell (AC): The most rewarding aspect of military life is the community. Everywhere we’ve moved, we’ve been welcomed by an instant and understanding community. I’m so grateful for the friendships we’ve made in the military community, and I’m thankful for all the friends my children have been able to make.
AH: It can be a challenge to maintain high-quality relationships despite frequent military moves. What do you do personally to maintain relationships despite moving frequently?
AC: This is one of the hardest parts of being a military family. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, great friends follow along to new places or go there slightly before you. Other times, people who became family in one location go on to different places. It’s hard to maintain these relationships, but I’ve found social media really helps. It’s great to see pictures of families you love growing and changing. It makes you feel like you’re still a part of their lives.
I try to send texts and video messages to friends through different apps to keep up with them. The good thing about military spouses is they understand how difficult it is to keep up with so many people. When paths finally do cross again, it’s easy to pick up right where you left off and continue the friendship.
Since moving abroad, I’ve had to change how I maintain my long-distance family relationships and friendships, mainly because of the time difference. We’re 6 hours ahead of family and 9 hours ahead of some friends. The cool thing is we’re in a new location with neat things you can’t buy in the States, so we’ve sent some care packages to family and friends. It’s a great way to share little things about our life with others. We’ve also enjoyed receiving care packages from the States with American things we can’t buy in Germany.
AH: How have your children reacted to military moves, including this move abroad? How have you encouraged them to maintain their long-distance family relationships and friendships while making new friends in Germany?
One thing about military children is they’re resilient. I’m so proud of how quickly my children adjusted here once we got settled. They’re enjoying their new school, but they still have moments of missing people they left behind. I try to help them send emails, packages, or letters to friends and family they miss. Otherwise, my husband and I encourage them to make new friends. I tell them the best way to make a friend is to be a friend. We also sign up the kids for different sports and activities, so they have opportunities to learn new skills and meet new people.
AH: What advice do you have for new Service Members or military families about how to maintain relationships?
AC: Have lots of grace with each other during workups, deployments, and PCS. Trying to decide who has it harder during those difficult times will only cause division in your relationships. You’re both facing stressors the other can’t fully understand. Your Service Member might never know what it’s like to manage a whole household and have to deal with all the emotional needs of the family. The at-home partner might never know what it’s like to miss huge milestones in your kid’s life, holidays, and birthdays on top of performing well in a high-stress job.
Also, if you need something, say it. Don’t assume your partner knows what you need when they’re deployed. If you need more communication, emotional support, acknowledgement, physical support, or encouragement, tell them. Don’t wait for them to guess how to support your needs—both physical and emotional—while they’re away.
AH: What advice do you have for Service Members or military families facing an upcoming PCS?
AC: I have 3 practical pieces of advice:
- Put an AirTag in your shipment.
- Start a PCS binder.
- Create a family binder.
I also have 3 pieces of encouragement:
- You will be okay.
- New friendships take time, but try to be a friend to others.
- Your new home doesn’t have to be perfect. Home is a feeling, not a place.
AH: Do you have any additional advice for new Service Members or military families?
AC: This is a hard lifestyle and it can be tiring. But military life provides a community like no other. You’ll make friends who become family. Let others in and let them help you. You can’t do everything on your own. Enjoy the ride and try to find the positives. Don’t live your life waiting for the next PCS, your spouse’s next job, your dream home, or retirement. Enjoy the present and be in the moment. Don’t let life pass you by while you wait for things that don’t exist yet.
.png)
Disclosure: The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the authors and do not reflect the official policy or position of USU or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The authors have no financial interests or relationships to disclose.
