HPRC staff get many Ask the Expert questions from Military Service Members, and the answers often include vital information to help you stay mission-ready, so you can perform well.
Social fitness is an important part of your overall health and wellness. When your relationships are healthy, you’re more likely to perform at your best. HPRC’s experts are often asked how to actually build those healthy relationships—or work on ones that are struggling. Check out one relationship expert’s take on some commonly asked questions about how to manage holiday stress.
Asked & Answered
This year’s holiday season looks a lot different than it normally would with social distancing. How can I manage my disappointment and support my kids this year?
2020 has been quite a year, and the holidays will likely be a bit different than what we all usually expect. For many, social distancing means that you might not get to celebrate with others in person or keep up your regular family traditions. And while it’s normal to feel disappointment, there are a few key ways you can make this year special in its own way.
- Learn from your experience. Many military families have experienced a holiday, birthday, or other special moment without their Military Service Member. It’s just part of the job sometimes, and that means there’s a pretty good chance you’ve had to adjust your expectations or traditions at some point in the past. Think about what worked well then and try to come up with new ideas to make this year’s holidays special, even if they are a bit different.
- Collaborate together. If you have kids, sit down, have a family meeting, and decide on some new ideas to make the holidays fun and exciting. You might not be able to do all the things you normally would, but maybe you and your kids can come up with some new ideas to use in the future too. When your kids can take ownership of the planning, they’ll likely appreciate and enjoy the celebrations even more.
- Practice gratitude. Gratitude can also be a critical strategy to avoid letting the disappointments block the good that you do have. It’s easy to miss the many blessings and good you’re experiencing when things are going the way you want. Use HPRC’s Gratitude Calendar as a new family tradition through the holiday season and beyond.
Every year I try to set a budget for holiday spending, but it never works. This year is especially tough because I feel guilty we can’t celebrate the holidays like we normally do. How can I keep myself out of debt but still make everyone feel special?
The holidays can certainly be a difficult time for family finances. And with the recent stress of the pandemic and stay-at-home orders, the financial strain on your family might be at an all-time high. And while you might not be spending on travel this year, you might be trying to compensate in other ways (extra decorations, food, and gifts) which can end up being costly too. But the good news is that spending money doesn’t always mean a better holiday. Check out these tips to stay on budget while still spreading some cheer.
- Make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Finances are one of the issues most tied to relationship distress. Why? Money holds a deep meaning for most people—whether it’s security, power, or something else. So make sure you and your partner sit down, talk about your budget, and set limits for holiday spending this year.
- Give gifts that matter. One common myth about gift giving is that the amount of money spent means a better present. Meaningful gifts are really about showing you know who someone is by getting them a gift unique to their interests. Or it’s about picking something that you know they’ll actually use. While it might take a little extra time to think of the right item, your wallet will probably thank you!
- Shift your mindset. It’s tempting to throw caution to the wind and spend over your budget. You might tell yourself it’s because it’s only once a year, or you all deserve it because it’s been such a tough year. But the reality is if you overspend, you’ll be paying off those bills (with interest!) for months to come. Plus, it’s really not just once a year...there are birthdays, anniversaries, and other occasions all year long! So make your budget and stick to it! Finally, make sure that financial stress isn’t blocking productive thinking. Use HPRC’s “optimism self-check” to assess if you have the right mindset when it comes to money.
Ask the expert
To learn more about social fitness or ask an HPRC expert about other issues that affect performance, visit hprc-online.org.
About the author
Sarah Steward, of the Henry M. Jackson Foundation, is a Social Health Scientist for the Consortium for Health and Military Performance (CHAMP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences (USU).
Disclosure: *The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of USU or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The author has no financial interests or relationships to disclose.
