Solid relationships are important for Warfighter performance. The fact is that having close and meaningful connections reduces stress and increases your ability to cope and overcome challenges. People who feel connected to others sleep better, tend to heal faster, and live longer. Meanwhile, loneliness is a source of stress and linked to depression, increases in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, and reduced physical and cognitive performance at work.
Just like your body, you need to work to get your “social fitness” on track. And just like your muscles, you can strengthen your relationship skills with training. You wouldn’t start training for combat the day before a mission, and you don’t want to start “relationship training” once you notice loneliness or the issues associated with it.
Assess your social fitness strengths and target areas for improvement by answering these questions:
Reciprocal: Do you have relationships where you both give and receive social support?
Are you the person who all your friends, family members, or battle buddies come to for advice, help, or information? Or maybe you have a solid group of people who you know you can reach out to no matter what. While these scenarios are great, meaningful relationships are bidirectional, meaning the support goes both ways. To strengthen your social fitness, both give and receive social support in your relationships, and think about how providing social support impacts Total Force Fitness (TFF).
Emotional: Who can you be open and vulnerable with?
To put it simply, it’s important to have some relationships you consider caring and loving. Think about the people you can truly open up to and share what’s really going on emotionally. Who can you trust no matter what, and who do you know will always be there with a listening ear? To strengthen your social fitness, challenge yourself to be vulnerable by having open conversations, and think about how you might manage your emotions to meet your social fitness goals.
Instrumental: Are there people in your life you can reach out to and who can help you get stuff done?
Not all relationships are about hugs and talk sessions. Sometimes there are people who you know are going to help you out when the logistics of life get a little overwhelming. Maybe it’s your friend who offers to help you move for your next PCS. Or if you have kids, it’s your neighbor who watches them while you run to the store. Think about the people in your life who take some of the work off your plate. To strengthen your social fitness, thank those who’ve had your back when you needed help getting stuff done, and think about how you’ve helped others in the past as well.
Informational: Where do you go when you need guidance or advice?
You might reach out to a fellow unit member to get the details of an upcoming training, or you have a smart uncle who always gives the best financial advice. Whatever the case, we all need people who can answer our questions or help set us on the right path. To strengthen your social fitness, ask for guidance when you’re feeling uncertain, and think about who you might turn to for answering your questions in specific TFF areas.
Reflective: Who is there to tell it like it is?
Everyone needs a mirror. Unlike a real mirror, it can sometimes be hard to see ourselves clearly when it comes to our performance. Think about the people in your life who are brutally honest with you, proudly let you know when you’re doing well, and call you out when you’ve hit a bump or slump. To strengthen your social fitness, follow HPRC’s tips for giving and receiving negative feedback, and think about how you might build and maintain healthy relationship habits.
Quality & quantity: Do you have a good balance of those few relationships that are deep and connected as well as a wide network of contacts, friends, or acquaintances?
When you think about the different types of relationships you have, keep in mind that both quality and quantity can matter. You might have lots of people you can reach out to for information, but only a few you can really turn to when you’re feeling down. Both breadth and depth are important. Find the balance that works for you. To strengthen your social fitness, deepen the social bonds you currently have, and think about how you might expand your social network.
Network: Do you have meaningful relationships across the board?
Consider the 6 main social network areas: Family (parents, spouse, kids, and relatives), friends (battle buddies or close confidants), acquaintances (neighbors or members of hobby groups), coworkers (teammates or other Service Members), community (religious organizations or school communities), and professionals (doctors, financial planners, teachers, etc.). Do you feel you have meaningful relationships—whatever the type—in most or all areas? To strengthen your social fitness, seek connections in various social network areas, and think about how you might get more involved in your community.
Resources for social fitness
If you find some of these questions are tough to answer, it might be a good time to focus on your social fitness goals. First, think about what your goals are. Then, check out HPRC’s Social Fitness section for tools and tips to help you get there. A good place to start would be trying these HPRC’s social fitness self-checks:
Sarah Steward is a former social health scientist for the Consortium for Health and Military Performance (CHAMP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences (USU).
* The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of USU or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The author has no financial interests or relationships to disclose.
