Test your “social fitness” and firm up problem areas

By: Sarah Steward, MS*

Solid relationships are important for Warfighter performance. The fact is that having close and meaningful connections reduces stress and increases our ability to cope and overcome challenges. And those who feel connected to others sleep better, tend to heal faster, and live longer. Meanwhile, loneliness is a source of stress and linked to depression, increases in post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, and reduced physical and cognitive performance at work.

Just like your body, you have to work to get your “social fitness” on track. And just like your muscles, you can strengthen your relationship skills with training. Just as you wouldn’t start training for combat the day before a mission, you shouldn’t start “relationship training” after you notice loneliness or the issues associated with it.

Start by assessing your social fitness strengths and targeting areas for improvement:

Directionality: Do you have relationships where you both give and receive social support?

Are you the person who all your friends, family members, or battle buddies come to for advice, help, or information? Or maybe you have a solid group of people who you know you can reach out to no matter what. But if you only have one or the other, you’re only halfway to your social fitness goals. Meaningful relationships are bi-directional, meaning the support goes both ways.

Emotional: Who can you be open and vulnerable with?

To put it simply, it’s important to have some relationships that you consider caring and loving. Think about the people you can open up to and share what’s really going on emotionally. Who can you trust no matter what, and who do you know will always be there with a listening ear?

Instrumental: Are there people in your life who you can reach out to and get stuff done?

Not all relationships are about hugs and talk sessions. Sometimes there are people who you know are going to help you out when the logistics of life get a little overwhelming. Maybe it’s your friend who offers to help you move for your next PCS. Or if you have kids, it’s your neighbor who watches them while you run to the store. Think about the people in your life who take some of the work off your plate.

Informational: Where do you go when you need guidance or advice?

You might reach out to a fellow unit member to get the details of an upcoming training, or you have a smart uncle who always gives the best financial advice. Whatever the case, we all need people who can answer our questions or help set us on the right path.

Reflective: Who is there to tell it like it is?

Everyone needs a mirror. Unlike a real mirror, it can sometimes be hard to see ourselves clearly when it comes to our performance. Think about the people in your life who are brutally honest with you, proudly let you know when you’re doing well, and call you out when you’ve hit a slump.

Quantity & Quality: Do you have a good balance of those few relationships that are deep and connected as well as a wide net of contacts, friends, or acquaintances?

When you think about the different types of relationships you have, keep in mind that both quality and quantity can matter. It might be that you have lots of people you can reach out to for information, but only a few you can really turn to when you’re feeling down. Both breadth and depth are important, but you have to find the balance that works well for you.

Network: Do you have meaningful relationships across the board?

Consider the 6 main social network areas: Family (parents, spouse, kids, and relatives), friends (battle buddies or close confidants), acquaintances (neighbors or members of hobby groups), co-workers (teammates or other Military Service Members), community (religious organizations or school communities), and professionals (doctors, financial planners, teachers, etc.). Do you feel you have meaningful relationships (whatever the type) in most or all areas?

Resources for social fitness

If you notice that some of these questions are tough to answer, it might be a good time to focus on your social fitness goals. First, think about what your goals are. Then check out HPRC’s Social Fitness section for tools and tips to help you get there.

About the Author. 
Sarah Steward, of the Henry M. Jackson Foundation, is a Social Health Scientist for the Consortium for Health and Military Performance (CHAMP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences (USU).

* The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of USU or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The author has no financial interests or relationships to disclose.