By: Sarah Steward, MS
It isn’t always a clear road when you join the military—which can be scary, but it also presents lots of unexpected and different opportunities. And when you decide to become a parent, a steady road can shift yet again. LT Hannah Gribbin, USCGR, took some time to chat with me about her experience becoming a mom, exploring her own interests and career goals, becoming a Military Service Member transitioning into, and then out of, the Coast Guard, and now adapting to new (and delicious!) adventures.
Can you tell us about your background in the military and where you are now in your military career?
I joined the Coast Guard through OCS in January 2015. My situation is a bit uncommon in the Coast Guard. I am not a prior enlisted service member, while most CG Officer Candidates are. So, OCS was a shock to my system, but I’m very thankful for the experience. I learned a lot about setting goals, expanding my comfort zone, and I really grew as a person. From OCS I was stationed in Kodiak, Alaska, on a 378-ft High Endurance Cutter (USCGC DOUGLAS MUNRO).
My degree is in Health Promotion and my billet on the Cutter was as a Student Engineer. It was kind of trial by fire and, to be honest, I struggled. But in the end, I was thankful to have this experience. I spent those 2 years underway patrolling the Bering Sea & the Gulf of Alaska. It sounds cliché, but it really meant a lot to be out there, keeping the fishermen and people of Alaska safe. I learned a lot about myself and how to be a young professional. It was my first real experience as a supervisor, and it helped shape my leadership style as a JO.
Even though the work-life balance in Boston was easier to maintain than in Alaska, I was still spending more time away from my family than I wanted, especially since we had young children. My long-term life goal is to open a bakery, so the timing felt right to take advantage of the amazing Temporary Separation opportunity the Coast Guard offers. I was approved to take a TempSep—where the service members separate from active duty, transition into a Reserve component for up to 2 years, and have the option to go back active, stay in the Reserves, or permanently separate—which enabled me to explore other avenues in the civilian sector. My TempSep started this winter and I’m currently in Pastry School. So far, I’m really enjoying it!
As the mother of twin toddlers, can you share what your experience was like adjusting as a new mom in the military, particularly thinking about how the different areas of Total Force Fitness were affected?
I don’t feel like being in the military made the adjustment harder than it is for new civilian moms. In my opinion, the Coast Guard has reasonable maternity leave and weight-standard policies. However, the transition was still difficult. The twins were 3 months old when I went back to work, and they were still waking up overnight to eat. I was also breastfeeding. I had to figure out how to come back to work while feeling the mom guilt that came with the early days of daycare, fighting through sleep deprivation, and discovering where and when I was supposed to pump at the office and in the field. I think new moms in any workplace probably feel the same way I did. It was harder to focus. I was thinking about my babies a lot and wondering if they were doing okay.
Once I was away from my home kitchen, I worried if I had brought enough healthy food and drinks to make it through the day without being tempted to go out into the city for lunch or the Exchange for snacks. The military is different from most civilian jobs in that our jobs depend on our physical fitness, so that was one more thing for me to think about. The Coast Guard currently allows one year after childbirth to come into compliance with weight and fitness standards, which I felt was enough time, but certainly not too much either! In addition to managing my nutrition, I was very conscious of fitting in a workout before I had to catch my train home to get the girls. That often meant eating at my desk, so I could work out during lunch.
I was lucky to work in an office with LOTS of parents, and I was very transparent about my pumping schedule with my supervisor, but there were some coworkers who didn’t have children—or those with older children—that would express some frustration at my “long breaks.” I’m a fairly open person, so I would just tell them upfront what I was doing, and that settled it without issue. However, I understand 100% that some women may not be comfortable announcing to their coworkers that they were pumping breastmilk, and that could make the transition even harder. I also recognize that being an officer might have made it easier for me to speak out to defend myself.
Overall, I feel I adjusted well, but I also get it when people say working parents can’t “have it all.” My progression at work slowed down after having the girls.
Can you share some of the ways you balanced your responsibilities at home and on duty, particularly during COVID-19?
COVID-19 has been a major adjustment. Our daycare closed, and we made the decision to keep the girls home indefinitely. Tim was already working from home, and my office was great. They considered the health and safety of the Military Service Members, but also the new demands we were feeling at home. We shifted to a duty schedule that gave us the opportunity to work from home as much as possible.
But even with our companies’ support, it has been very tiring, both mentally and physically. The twins are still at an age—they were one when this whole thing started, they’re almost 2 now—where they demand our time. We can’t just set them up with an activity or movie and walk away for an hour or 2 of uninterrupted work. They still need our assistance and want us to engage with them when they play (which of course we love, but it’s a lot).
I honestly can’t say how we balance our responsibilities! We just take it one day at a time. Some small things we do that help:
- Tim and I have a whiteboard calendar on our fridge to make sure we’re on the same page with each other’s appointments and schedules.
- We focus on open communication as a couple.
- I invested in KN95 masks to wear under a cloth mask while I’m out of the house. We avoid taking the girls out in public as much as possible. As a family, we try to get them out for fresh air and a change of scenery whenever we can. We can’t wait for warmer weather so we can go out on walks again!
I built it up in my head so much. As my TempSep date got closer, I felt myself getting anxious. I was snapping at Tim about little things. Sometimes I broke down into tears wondering if we’d be okay financially, if I’d do okay in school, just worrying in general. Even though I had been in the Coast Guard for 6 years, it becomes your identity. I think the idea of leaving, even temporarily, felt like I was abandoning myself.
Now that it’s been a couple of months, I realize that a lot of those fears were unfounded. I had already put in the work to prepare for the TempSep—logistically, financially—and, so far, everything has gone as planned. It’s been a very smooth transition. I am relieved now that I’ve removed some of the stress of full-time military life.
You’ve gone through lots of changes and adjustments (and a global pandemic) in the last couple of years. Can you share a little bit how your relationships or specific “social fitness” skills that have supported your wellbeing?
I think many of the social fitness skills—communication, managing emotions, building a support network—are all important. It’s another cliché, but Tim really is my best friend. We talk about any worries or concerns we have. Sometimes we consider real solutions. Other times, he just listens and says it’ll be okay. I also have a close, tight-knit group of friends that I’ve been very close with for a long time, even with all the moving around. We check in with each other often. It’s nice to have different perspectives.
Managing emotions is something that I’ve worked on over the years. I can be hard on myself and expect perfection. Which is not realistic at any time, but especially not with all of the transitions over the last 2 years. I’m very open that I’ve sought therapy at various times in my life (and it hasn’t affected my clearance). It’s made a big difference in identifying things I can control, and letting go of the things that I can’t. In turn, it reduced my stress and anxiety levels.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. It takes a lot of grit and support to be a parent and certainly a military parent too!
About the Author
Sarah Steward, of the Henry M. Jackson Foundation, is a Social Health Scientist for the Consortium for Health and Military Performance (CHAMP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences (USU).
Sarah Steward, of the Henry M. Jackson Foundation, is a Social Health Scientist for the Consortium for Health and Military Performance (CHAMP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences (USU).
* The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of USU or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The author has no financial interests or relationships to disclose.
