Lauren asked Justin and Megan how Justin’s TBI impacted their relationship as a couple and how they were able to find strength in each other and their family. Here’s what they shared:
Lauren from HPRC: Being a caregiver can be incredibly exhausting. Megan, how do you prioritize taking care of yourself?
Megan: I've always really enjoyed physical fitness, especially running. When stress is high, I picture whatever it is that’s causing my tension as the pavement beneath my feet. I literally pound it out with every step. Sometimes I tell people that "I run away from problems!" Ha!
Megan: I've always really enjoyed physical fitness, especially running. When stress is high, I picture whatever it is that’s causing my tension as the pavement beneath my feet. I literally pound it out with every step. Sometimes I tell people that "I run away from problems!" Ha!
Over a decade ago, I discovered spin/indoor cycling. I loved it so much that I became a double-certified instructor. Teaching forces me into the gym because there’s a class of students waiting for me. And where in running, I put my troubles under my feet—in cycling, they go under my pedals. I squash them and kick them behind me.
Lauren from HPRC: Sometimes the most repeated advice given to spouses or caregivers is something to the effect of "be patient." Is there anything else you’d say to caregivers in situations like yours to help them persevere?
Megan: Patience sometimes is the worst advice. It’s like telling someone to watch a pot for boiling water. Sometimes the better advice is to get out of caregiver mode for a bit. Take your mind completely away from anything having to do with the “Veteran world.” On the flip side, when I’m in “caregiver mode,” I'm all in. I soak up every bit of knowledge I can about my husband's diagnosis, prescriptions, procedures, and processes. Knowledge truly is power!
Lauren from HPRC: How do you explain the effects of your TBI to family or friends?
Justin: I don't, really. Truthfully, for me personally, it's too difficult. I don't like to wallow in my injury, so I tend to only talk about it when I’m forced to: at the VA or another clinical appointment. There isn't an easy language for TBI.
Lauren from HRPC: Megan mentioned how things shifted from caregiving to a real partnership between you and her. How did you experience this shift?
Justin: It's still difficult some days for me to accept her as my “caregiver,” but I don't think that's an uncommon sentiment among Veterans. We like to think we can take care of ourselves. But I’ve learned that she and I make a really good team. She’s really stubborn about getting me the right care. She's a fighter. Most of the time, that's a really good thing. But sometimes she needs to be reminded it's okay to take a breather. I'm good at suggesting time-outs. We also trust each other. That took time for both of us for different reasons. Trust is so important.
Lauren from HPRC: What do you wish people knew about TBIs?
Megan and Justin: We wish people knew that most TBIs don't involve obvious scars or symptoms, and that the most arduous struggle is in the smaller battles: short-term memory loss, exhaustion, sudden mood shifts, migraines, and sensory issues. It's often what they don't see—that families such as ours find the most difficult to manage on a daily basis. And Veterans are particularly stubborn. They’re survivors. Because of this, they want to appear as typical as possible. So they’ll fight through whatever it takes to seem A-OK. TBI is a daily battle.
Lauren from HPRC: What are some ways Justin experiencing a TBI unexpectedly strengthened your marriage?
Megan and Justin: Truthfully, it almost took out our marriage long before it strengthened it. TBI has a way of clearing a path of destruction similar to a tornado, flattening everything in its path. But once we made it through the darkest parts of that storm, we were tougher—both individually and together. We held on for dear life. And on some days, we still are. But when a couple makes it through the ugly together, I suppose you realize you can do almost anything.
Lauren from HPRC: Since it’s November and the month of Thanksgiving, how has gratitude helped you strengthen your relationship with each other?
Megan and Justin: We have to have an “attitude of gratitude” in order to keep pushing forward. We’re both aware of the value we bring to each other's lives, and experiencing an injury such as a TBI only magnifies that.
Lauren from HPRC: What are you grateful for today?
Megan and Justin: So much! Our healthy children, first and foremost! We’re grateful for our families who are so incredibly supportive! We’re grateful for every step towards progress, no matter how small. And we’re grateful for the countless angels who have shown up in our lives in human form, over and over again...miracles.
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