By: Sarah Steward, MS*
HPRC staff get many Ask the Expert questions from Military Service Members, and the answers often include vital information to help you stay mission-ready, so you can perform well.
Social fitness is an important part of your overall health and wellness. When your relationships are healthy, you’re more likely to perform at your best. HPRC’s experts are often asked how to actually build those healthy relationships—or work on ones that are struggling. Check out one relationship expert’s take on a commonly asked question about when to consider ending your partnership or getting a divorce.
Asked & Answered
My spouse and I have been struggling a lot in our relationship. I feel torn about whether to keep working on it or throw in the towel. How do I know which direction to go?
Deciding to end your marriage isn’t easy. Yet divorce is a reality for many couples. There are many issues to consider because it can have a lasting effect on your family, home, health, and job—and especially your well-being.
- Which couples divorce? There’s no “typical couple” destined to divorce. However, those who frequently argue and rarely spend positive time together are more likely to divorce. The same couples also risk violence and instability in their relationships. Frequent disagreements over money also are linked to relationship stress and higher divorce rates. Still, couples with fewer challenges divorce too.
- Can therapy help? Counseling offers a neutral place to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Therapists offer an unbiased view with the intent of finding what’s best for the couple. Counselors also encourage them to consider the impact of their actions and help them explore different ways to think and behave. But counseling is only useful when you’re motivated and committed to work towards change. Don’t wait until things become too desperate before seeking help from a therapist or religious leader.
- What else is there to consider? If you have kids, you’re likely to be concerned about what might change for them and how you’ll help them cope, especially when the separation gets bumpy. Give some thought to how you’ll maintain your financial security too. And start now to strengthen your social support—your relationships with friends and family—to help you through the process.
- Why stay? You might choose to remain in the relationship if your spouse is making efforts to change or repair emotional injuries. Still, it’s important to work together to create your optimal relationship. Some aren’t sure if their marriage will last. But they also want to see signs that reaffirm their love, which sometimes helps them decide to stay.
Ask the expert
To learn more about social fitness or ask an HPRC expert about other issues that affect performance, visit hprc-online.org.
About the author
Sarah Steward, of the Henry M. Jackson Foundation, is a Social Health Scientist for the Consortium for Health and Military Performance (CHAMP) at the Uniformed Services University of the Health Sciences (USUHS).
Disclosure: *The opinions and assertions expressed herein are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of USUHS or DoD. The contents of this publication are the sole responsibility of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, or policies of The Henry M. Jackson Foundation for the Advancement of Military Medicine, Inc. Mention of trade names, commercial products, or organizations does not imply endorsement by the U.S. Government. The author has no financial interests or relationships to disclose.
