By: Mary Whipkey, military sibling*
I was 12 when my
brother was killed in Vietnam, and our family dynamics changed forever. Since my
mom could never accept the loss—and rightfully so—I spent my teenage years reliving
Mike’s death. Nearly 50 years later, I finally understood my mom's pain as we
cleaned out my family’s basement and came across Mike's letters from Vietnam. As
a mom to 3 children, reading those letters changed my perspective of the hurt
she experienced all those years. I could hear Mike's voice as he wrote how
afraid he was and how much he missed his family. You also could hear the pain
of the conditions he endured, his fear of the nighttime, and his angst over
whether he would make it home to the U.S.
Coincidently, Mike's
fiancée recently stopped by the old homestead that we were tearing down to
rebuild. I hadn't seen her in 50 years. She hugged me tight and cried so hard,
it made me realize the pain she endured for all these years. She told me she got
married and later divorced—and that Mike was the love of her life. She wanted
to reminisce about Mike in this memorable house.
These recent events helped me realize the aches in the hearts of so many families who have experienced the loss of military sons and daughters. The ache can either become your building block for strength, or it can diminish your living soul. My mom and my brother’s fiancée never regained enough strength to rebuild. They were always trying to swim in the rough ocean rather than seek solace in the calm sea.
I always say God
prepares us for each and every step of our journey. To all military families or
any families who have endured distress in any form, remember that a piece of
your heart will always be broken. But as you drive on your journey, your soul
will be strengthened if you always look ahead to the future, not the pain in
the rear view.
To learn more about how to grow from the
trauma of losing a loved one, visit HPRC’s Mental Fitness,
Spiritual
Fitness, and Family &
Relationships sections. And find out how social support from others who
“have your back” can help you feel hopeful and connected in HPRC’s #GotMySix
section.
